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Thursday, January 1, 2009

Happy New Year 2009

ferncohen.com

I'm hoping 2009 is better because 2008 didn't end on the best note. Haley walked the dog in the very early morning Christmas Eve Day, and slipped on the ice. She ended up in the hospital for 3 days over Christmas with a huge gash in her head, and a concussion. Christmas for the Albertarios was not great, to say the least! And Haley is suffering from headaches. I hope she feels better soon.

I woke up on Monday with what seemed like a raging cold. By Wednesday [New Years' Eve], I had full-blown stomach flu. My aides are my unsung heroes, cleaning up after me. As I write this, I am starting to take in a little solid food at a time. But yesterday, I could have nothing but clear liquids. I still feel crappy, and really weak. When Lynette came on duty last night, she ran out to buy me some Pepto Bismol, which gave me some relief. But, instead of welcoming the new year at Nancy's annual party, we stayed home.

Home! I am really depressed looking at this cluttered, dark, rundown place. Years ago, my dad asked me to move into his house, but I thought it would be isolating. Well, there could be nothing more isolating than a studio apartment in Queens, with no sun exposure, and cluttered up with junk. Paradoxically, I probably should have given up some of my "independence" and been around family. But who knew? And it might have upset my dad way too much!

I have been suffering a certain malaise the last couple of weeks. I have some wonderful people in my life, who sent me some outrageous gifts!! But yet, I am sinking into feelings of hopelessness and uselessness. I'm not optimistic about the research and in the back of my mind I am deathly afraid that this is more than the stomach flu, but the final blow that will kill me. I look at my Chelsea and worry what will happen if something happens to me, even though she will go back to the rescue and will be in excellent hands. She is so attached to me.

I haven't been this scared in a very long time.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

Fern, sorry to hear that you aren't feeling well. I hope and pray the bug leaves you soon I also hope that you can find something positive to focus on, that will help you through this tough time.

Bill H from Living with ALS

Ragingbear said...

You have much to offer this world just wake everyday and find what it is going to be that day and let tomorrow take care of itself! I am very optimistic about the research especially after January 20th when intelligence returns to government policies on health research. Be well and happy!

Your friend in the fight,
Jeff Lester

dan said...

Fern,

I think worrying about our pets is one of our unfortunate crosses to bear. In fact, I'll bet it is THE issue for many of us. Those of us fortunate to know our animals will be in good hands worry that they will grieve for us. You just have to outlive Chelsea (a beautiful bunny by the way) the way I outlived my beagle. I know you can do it. ALS tries to beat us mentally as well as physically and every day we survive and every indignity we laugh at serves to weaken the monster. Don't be afraid. Have a glass of wine or smoke a bowl (if that's how you roll), pet your bunny and smile (it hates that).

Your friend and fellow combatant,

Dan Woodard (diagnosed on Oct 13-my birthday-13 years ago)

Fern Cohen said...

Wow Dan! Are you vented? I have chosen not to, so trying to last a long time without!