Thursday, January 1, 2009

Happy New Year 2009

ferncohen.com

I'm hoping 2009 is better because 2008 didn't end on the best note. Haley walked the dog in the very early morning Christmas Eve Day, and slipped on the ice. She ended up in the hospital for 3 days over Christmas with a huge gash in her head, and a concussion. Christmas for the Albertarios was not great, to say the least! And Haley is suffering from headaches. I hope she feels better soon.

I woke up on Monday with what seemed like a raging cold. By Wednesday [New Years' Eve], I had full-blown stomach flu. My aides are my unsung heroes, cleaning up after me. As I write this, I am starting to take in a little solid food at a time. But yesterday, I could have nothing but clear liquids. I still feel crappy, and really weak. When Lynette came on duty last night, she ran out to buy me some Pepto Bismol, which gave me some relief. But, instead of welcoming the new year at Nancy's annual party, we stayed home.

Home! I am really depressed looking at this cluttered, dark, rundown place. Years ago, my dad asked me to move into his house, but I thought it would be isolating. Well, there could be nothing more isolating than a studio apartment in Queens, with no sun exposure, and cluttered up with junk. Paradoxically, I probably should have given up some of my "independence" and been around family. But who knew? And it might have upset my dad way too much!

I have been suffering a certain malaise the last couple of weeks. I have some wonderful people in my life, who sent me some outrageous gifts!! But yet, I am sinking into feelings of hopelessness and uselessness. I'm not optimistic about the research and in the back of my mind I am deathly afraid that this is more than the stomach flu, but the final blow that will kill me. I look at my Chelsea and worry what will happen if something happens to me, even though she will go back to the rescue and will be in excellent hands. She is so attached to me.

I haven't been this scared in a very long time.
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